Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
