Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
