I got chris browned last night
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
