I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
