Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize