Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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