All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
