I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
