i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
You ate ashes out of my bong
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