there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
