it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Is it because I queefed?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
