you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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