i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I love having hate sex.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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