If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
