i barfeds in our rink
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
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