my mouth tastes like poor choices
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize