I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
