When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
