You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize