i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
