i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
