I will die if light touches me.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
