She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
