Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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