Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
