we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
