He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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