So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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