is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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