Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I am one with the molecules
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
