I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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