Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
