that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
