I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
