I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
