Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize