We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
