She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
