She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
