'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
