Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
