About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
