i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
