: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
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