i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
