why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
