wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
