yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
