I'm going to jail i love you
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
she smelled like a LAN party
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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