i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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