Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
