I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
im six kinds of drunk right now
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
