Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
