I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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