What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
