Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
