how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
