Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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