Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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