i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
