well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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