Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
