Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
