so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Randomize
