You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I'm passing your future prison.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
