Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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