So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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