Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
