First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
They took my balls.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
