I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
