i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
We are all done wearing pants today
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
