He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
