when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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