One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
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