there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
