ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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